Something not running related… WHAAAT?

Today I’m posting about something that has nothing to do with running.  It’s a touchy subject, but I feel that it needs to be addressed.

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As a woman, a mother, and a profession,  respect is something that I require in my relationships.  You don’t have to like me, and some people don’t, but if you meet me and speak with me, you will respect me. (That sounds like a threat, and it isn’t meant to – read it as “you’ll gain respect for me).

I could go on for HOURS about respect.  For this post, however, I want to address respect when it comes to family; meaning parent to child, child to parent, parent to parent.

Respect starts at home.  Answer me honestly… if someone is disrespectful to you, will you be respectful to that person in return?  Probably not.  If you are, there is most likely a hint of sarcasm or bitterness with the response you will give to the disrespectful person.  A lot of parents that I talk to feel like they’re losing the battle for respect at home.  At times, I feel that way with regards to my home.  Is it possible, that your (and my) children aren’t showing you respect… simply because you aren’t respecting them? Children are sponges, especially during the early years of life.  They see interactions between adults, and between adults and children, and emulate these interactions.  Parents have a HUGE impact on their children, whether we admit that or not.  We are the people that teach our children what kind of human beings they will end up being.  (no pressure… well… actually… yea… PRESSURE!)

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People tell you that in order to be a “good parent” you need to  be friends with your children.  You should treat them as equals.  This isn’t entirely wrong, but… well… yea it’s wrong.  When you as a parent are “friends” with your kids, you’re giving up the unique nature of your relationship – they have many friends, but only have 2 (or in my case 4) parents.  Being your child’s friend is not your job.  Your job is to teach your children, influence your children, and protect your children.  Now, please understand, I’m not telling you that you aren’t able to be friendly with your kids.  That not the case here at all. What I’m stressing is that your children need to understand the role that you have as the parent.  They cannot (I repeat, CANNOT) treat you the way that they treat other children they are social with.  Image result for we're not friends gif

Gaining the respect of your children doesn’t mean you have to be a meanie head. 

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In fact, if you’re constantly yelling at your kids, stop it.  A study was done recently on the long term effects of screaming at your children.  The results of the study showed that regularly yelling at your kids is almost as detrimental as physically hurting them.  Again, I’m not telling you that you aren’t allowed to raise your voice.  What I’m suggesting is thinking before you yell.  Like I mentioned earlier, kids mimic your behavior. You keep screaming, they’ll scream back.

  • Example one: I was sitting on the couch with my kiddo (7 yr old) recently and my husband said something to him that kiddo didn’t like.  Kiddo turns to husband and yells at him.  Husband yells back.  Kid responds. Back and forth and back and forth.  *hands up* “Ok, stop” – Not a good environment for the kid, my husband, or me.  I sat there as the conversation my boys were having spiraled into yelling and didn’t really know how to make it stop. What I was watching was a lack of respect.  Neither of my boys respected each other during that moment.  Image result for yelling gif
  • Example two:  This morning, my husband very obviously rolled his eyes at me.  (big deal right? Wrong.)  This was disrespectful.  What angered me more than the eye roll, was that he did it in front of my kiddo.  The same kid that I’m trying to teach respect.Image result for eye roll meme gif

It’s difficult to teach respect to a child that sees disrespect in the household.  So, what can we do?  Unfortunately, 99% of the articles you’ll find that address teaching respect are geared towards children, not adults.  My thought is to teach respect to adults in two ways;

  1.  Show them respect FIRST
  2.  Stop the disrespectful behavior immediately and bringing attention to it

As some adults have the minds of children (not talking about any adult in particular, just to clarify) it’s also possible that the way we teach children respect may work.

  1.  Stay calm.  Do your very best not to jump down the child (or adults) throat in response to the disrespect.  It’s possible that the child/adult wasn’t paying attention to you, or that they don’t realize what they did was disrespectful.
  2. Figure out the cause.  If your child (or adult partner) is being disrespectful to you, try and find out why.  Are their needs being met?  Are they exhausted, or in pain? (these aren’t excuses… just potential causes for the behavior).  Teach the child/adult that there are other ways of expression that are respectful.
  3. Show respect.  Just like I mentioned with the adult (points up) we can’t teach someone respect while being disrespectful.  Allow your child/adult partner to make decisions and to express themselves.
  4. Positive reinforcement.  As you teach your child/adult partner about respect, try not to resort to punishment.  When you’re being disrespected, as much as possible, remain respectful back.  In my example – when the kiddo and the husband were yelling back and forth – no one is winning.  If one of the two in that conversation had shown respect, the conversation would have gone a completely different direction.
  5. Accept responsibility and apologize.  In the second example that I mentioned – the eye roll from this morning – It’s very possible that my husband wouldn’t have reacted the way the he did if I’d apologized for what he thought I’d done wrong.  (I forgot to ask someone for something *vague I know*) If I had said “Yea, I’m sorry I forgot to do that, I’ll do it now”, instead of saying “I haven’t asked”, he may have no rolled his eyes.

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I hope you enjoyed reading my post today – and perhaps have learned something.  I promise I’ll be back to writing about running soon.  Happy trails! 🙂

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5 people who motivate me! #FridayFive

It’s FRIDAY!!!! A super special Friday at that! 5 years ago today, I was sitting in a tiny little hospital in Weinheim, Germany and my water broke! Tomorrow I’ll have a 5 year old… *sigh* I feel old. what makes me feel young though, is knowing I can keep up with my little boy! 🙂

Today on the “Friday Five” were talking about who motivates us.  As per the usual, I’m linking-up with Courtney at Eat Pray Run DCCynthia at You Signed Up for What?!, and Mar at Mar on the Run.  (The DC Trifecta)  So, lets get motivated!!

1.  My son. He’s my constant motivator, always pushing me forward.  He’ll watch me work out and when I start to slack off he says “You’re getting stronger!” or “You’re almost done!”  I don’t know if he realizes what he’s doing, but it’s very effective.  I know he’s watching, and at this point in his life, he’s like a sponge. He emulates. So, even when he watches quietly, or when he’s waiting at the finish line of one of my races, I know it’s important to finish strong.

2. My Father. In the past year, my father has become my race partner.  He motivates me to be stronger, and to run faster.   Running beside my Dad is one of the things I enjoy most about racing.  Again, he probably doesn’t know he’s doing anything, just having him run with me is a HUGE motivator!  Also, he consistently emails me about upcoming races and events, always keeping me on my toes ready to jump into any distance at any time.

3. Oiselle Volée. Running with this team of REMARKABLE women is amazing.  I’m not fast, so when I see my teammates pulling in Sub 18 5ks, I can’t help but feel a need to push myself.  Head up, wings out!

4. Emily. My I Run 4 buddy is always in the back of my mind when I’m running.  Emily and I are coming up on our one year Match-aversary and since we got matched, shes been with me through every run! When things get difficult I think to myself, “I need to do this, this is for Emily.”  I get the privilege of meeting Emily in a few weeks and I cannot wait!!

5. My BRF. I’ve made countless friends through running.  I’ve even had the chance to meet some of them at races! Seeing my “best running friends” is another kick in the ass to keep going!

Who motivates you? What/When is your next race? 

#FridayFive!! About me!!! #Linking up with @yousignedup @eatprayrunDC & @marmaone1

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This Friday five should be super easy because the theme is ALL ABOUT ME!!!

1. I have a LOT of nicknames – yea… I do.  When you’re name is Anastasia, you tend to get called a lot of different things.  My favorite and the one most people know me by is “Stacey”.  Where my parents got Stacey from Anastasia… well… it’s easier to “get” when you say “Anastasia” with the greek pronunciation “ah-nah-stah-cee-ah”.  Lol.  Did you sound it out?? Almost hear Stacey in there?? Anywho, I’ve been called, Stacey, Stashia, Anna, Anne, A, Mooshy, Bae, Koukla (greek word for sweetheart), Mommy (my other favorite <3), Probie, Sheldon (like Jim Parsons character from Big Bang Theory… lol. I have an AMAZING memory and people at work are constantly amazed by what I can remember… “Ok Sheldon, whats this?” etc), frog face twinkie toes (but only by my sister), and lastly (that I can remember) Smiles.  This one stuck hard when I was in high school because my maiden name is Miles.  S. Miles… Smiles. 🙂  Which leads me to my second about me…

2.  I am almost ALWAYS smiling – even if I’m in a terrible mood, you will see a smile on my face. I believe a smile is contagious.  I also believe sometimes, all someone needs is to see another person smiling, to lighten their mood.  It might not make them smile immediately, but you have to admit… if a random stranger (Assuming they aren’t creepy) smiles at you, you feel good.  If only for a moment.  I ALSO believe that the reason my son is ALWAYS smiling, is because he sees me smile all the time.  Now… please don’t misunderstand… my life isn’t all rainbows and unicorn poop.  But I can always muster enough energy to smile.  Remember… it takes WAY more muscles to frown then it does to smile. 😉

3.  I’m extremely protective – my family, my friends, my stuff… Don’t mess with it.  It’s almost to the point of being ridiculous.  I don’t like when people touch things on my desk when I’m off work, because it’s my stuff… I don’t like when people touch my food… because it’s my stuff… Now, as far as my friends and family go… I will, without question put my life down for each member of my family and close friends without thought.  Like I mentioned before, I’m small.  That doesn’t mean I wont fight for the people I love.  I wont let people bully, belittle, or lie about MY people.  Why?? “because its my stuff…” lol.  Seriously though, don’t mess with my family, friends, or stuff and I’ll be your best friend in the world… cross them… I’m your worst nightmare.  

4.  My son almost killed me –  no, I’m not being dramatic… I almost died during the birth of my son.  He was born in Germany and there were MAJOR complications.  I wanted to hang him naturally, but I’m very small.  His head was… well… not.  He torn me apart inside. I have (almost 4 years late) a 6 in tear in side my uterus that still has not healed.  The doctors in Germany decided I couldn’t go naturally and prepped me for a c/s.  I flat lined during the procedure… But… I’m typing this now, so obviously I’m ok.  My son is healthy, I’m healthy-ish.  So all is well!!! However, I get to hold that over his head every time he’s rude to me, lol. (even though, at three that doesn’t really work…) 

5. I have an addictive personality – which is why I never started smoking…. which is why I’ve never tried ANY type of drugs… up to and including Marijuana.  I got my first tattoo on 3/2/13. Within 6 wks, I had two more.  I only stopped because financially I had to.  I still want more… Running is another example… Financial hardship is the only reason I don’t have a race EVERY weekend day.  My mother just texted me (surprisingly enough) and said “You DON’T have a race this weekend?! When was the last time that happened?!!!”  When I find something I like… I can’t get enough of it.  Luckily, Tattoos and running wont hurt me. (YAY!!!)  

On that note, I hope you enjoyed my friday five!!! have a GREAT friday and an even GREATER weekend!!!